adventures and mishaps with alpha males

I am naturally attracted to alpha males. It’s true, and even if I try to step outside the norm and stay away from the alpha personalities, I always find myself circling back around to the type of men who eventually end up breaking my heart. When I first started dating, I believed that alpha was synonymous with chivalrous. This error in judgment led to many heartbreaks and a great deal of bad relationships. Is it even possible for an alpha male to be chivalrous and caring or does that just go against what makes the man alpha in the first place?

Not many people know that I have experienced both sides of domestic discipline, the good and the bad. There is the wonderful, caring, guiding discipline that is administered by a person who truly cares for your well-being. They can give direction that is empowering rather than making you feel like less of a person. On the other side, I have experienced domestic discipline that can very clearly be defined as domestic violence. This type of relationship could be borderline abuse or even (many times) straight out abuse, administered by a man who was far too interested in causing pain than in offering loving guidance.

I will forever carry scars, physically and emotionally, from these relationships. These scars can clearly be seen in my books where the story might turn a bit violent or the man becomes more cruel than loving. I don’t know why this happens, and maybe writing it out is a form of self-therapy for me. Actually, I know writing it out has become a form of therapy for me. Detailing some experiences that I may have experienced, or how I have perceived these experiences is somehow cathartic. It’s how I interpret my world, or how I reflect on my healing.

I know not everyone agrees with the level of discipline in my books, but having experienced harsh punishments in past relationships, I understand the characters in these books better than I understand myself sometimes. I know how and why the characters validate the male’s behavior or rationalize why they stay with him, I know this because I have done it myself, over and over again. The psychological impact of domestic discipline and domestic violence is often ignored in many of the books available.

My goal has never been to publish a bestselling book, actually I am far too shy to have that kind of notoriety. I would be more apt to disappear from the publishing world before embracing that kind of notoriety. The encouraging emails from readers who have related with my books or loved my writing style have been all the notoriety that I need. My characters are my first concern, and my loyal readers are next.  My goals in sharing my books are to hopefully entertain others and to give myself a form of validation to all the wrong choices I have made in my life. Hopefully the experience will give me better direction in my life than what I have found so far.

Mastered by the Marquis

I know I am a bit late on posting this, but Amazon has been finicky and temperamental, so I did not want to put out a misleading link.
I published the second part of the Victorian domestic discipline story. Mastered by the Marquis is about the Marquis of Havenshire and his experience with, Violet, the woman he chooses from Miss Doreen’s Home for Girls.
Historical Domestic Discipline Romance
Lord Warren James, Marquis of Havenshire is content with remaining single. Warren believes a woman belongs in the house caring for her husband and children and not involved in political or business matters. The new women’s movement sweeping through the nation has made his search for a wife impossible.
Warren watched his good friend Harrison Graham, Duke of Fallbrook, fall in love with an untitled woman who understands the proper role of husband and wife. Warren follows in Harrison’s footsteps by visiting Miss Doreen’s Home for Girls and bringing home Violet, a woman who turns out to be feistier than Warren anticipated.
The Marquis of Havenshire has no intention of allowing his wife to rule over him, so he takes her in hand and teaches her that even adult women can earn themselves a spanking.
For adults only!

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Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone…. and introducing a new book

I guess it isn’t really a secret that I am fairly shy and reserved. I am an introvert, through and through, and when I am stuck attending social outings on a daily basis I seem to lose track of the rest of my life, little by little. September was one of those months where I had very little time at home. The days just blended from one to the next and I literally spent the entire day of September the 30th (yesterday!) thinking there was still another week left in September!  No, I am not losing my mind, at least I hope not! I am winding down in school and am finishing off the last courses of my Masters degree, it is one of the most terrifying periods in my life! I am almost considered a professional expert in my field. Yes, very terrifying since most days I feel I have no idea what I am doing.

September was a month that wasn’t typical by any means. To follow along with that theme, I had this itch to write a Victorian domestic discipline book, seriously! So, I am introducing a new book, Punished by the Duke my first attempt at historical writing as a novice historical author.

History was one of those classes that I just didn’t like in high school, so my desire to write this was surprising and please remember this when reading if there are any historical errors (I am sure there are many!)

Punished by the Duke:

Harrison Graham, the Duke of Fallbrook, has been given a direct order from the Queen. He must marry or forfeit his title. Desperate for a bride and not finding any in town to be suitable, Harrison comes up with an unusual way to follow the Queen’s order and secure his title.

A visit to Miss Doreen’s Home for Girls, an orphanage many miles outside of town, gives Harrison just the woman he needs, even if she is a little rough around the edges.
Maggie has been an orphan for as long as she can remember. She never expected to be married to a Duke, let alone put over his knee and punished by him. Maggie quickly learns to keep in line around Harrison and desperately tries to keep out of his sight, but when she starts to fall in love with him, she is determined to make him love her.
For ADULTS ONLY over the age of eighteen. Contains subjects that may be offensive to some people. Do not purchase or read this book if these subjects are uncomfortable for you: spanking of an adult woman, punishment, domestic discipline. All characters are over the age of eighteen and not related by blood.

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Musings over My Morning Tea

With the changing season and a sudden gust of cooler weather, I find myself more inclined to stay indoors each day. I add an extra blanket to the bed and desperately try to hold onto those sweet wisps of dreams for just a few more minutes. Unfortunately, morning must come and along with it comes a long list of errands and appointments that cannot be pushed off any longer.

I will be able to post more later this evening, but I have been busy publishing a couple short books that I worked on over my downtime in the past few months. You can look on Amazon or Smashwords for an updated list, but I will post a bit about the new books later this evening. I believe one of the books will be unavailable most of today on Amazon because of a pricing typo, but it should be back later this evening.

The Reality of being an Adult and Other Life Lessons

What a whirlwind the past few weeks have been here at home. Many changes and lessons over the course of the past month and although I haven’t been busy per se, I have felt like life is rushing by.

I finally got a new computer!! This is the number one reason it has been so long since I have not only been online but also have not been able to write. My old computer had it’s issues and *ironically* right after my warranty expired the computer wouldn’t hold a charge, would frequently freeze, and began formatting my work into hieroglyphics and symbols even after paying to get it fixed just weeks ago! So I broke down and just bought a new one…Windows 8 is throwing me for a loop, but I am slowly getting used to it.

I can tend to be a bit of a procrastinator and it is something that I have asked my man to help me with in our life. Well the past weeks I have used the excuse of a temperamental computer to not only procrastinate on my school work, but also to completely fail to register for summer courses in time. Taking summer courses would have made my graduation date in December. This has been my plan all along, I am already behind on graduation because of procrastination in the beginning of graduate school. I had planned on graduating this year but the courses I need are already full for the summer term and now I will be graduating in the spring of 2014. Not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it is a setback all the same.

I also need to catch up on some school work, so it will be another late night for me. I heard once that we can never truly ‘catch up’ on our sleep. It makes me wonder if feeling tired will become so normal to me that I forget what it feels like to be completely awake and living life.

When I was a child I used to spend my spring and summer days running throughout the neighborhood, hardly setting foot at home as I was always off on one adventure or another with the other kids in the neighborhood. All I had to remember was to be home when the street lights came on at dusk….sometimes I wish for the simplicity of those days when I had little worry for hard deadlines or responsibilities. And I definitely wouldn’t have to worry about writing a research paper on inferential statistics!

A good hard spanking and the emotional toll of divorce

I have spent many hours over the past few weeks helping a good friend of mine after she was served with divorce papers out of the blue. This experience has been heart wrenching to watch and very emotionally exhausting for my friend and myself.

The couple have been good friends to both my man and I for many years. We weren’t particularly close but as their relationship and marriage are now unraveling before us we both have become inseperable-my man and the husband, and me and the wife. This arrangement is very difficult as it seems we have become the troubled couple at times and my man and I have fought like it was US going through the problems!

What a weird sensation! Want to know what the big difference is? DD.

This has made me wonder if our friends would not be experiencing the heartache of a divorce if they had known about DD. Would a good hard spanking have changed anything or just made the problems bigger? I am much too modest to mention any such thing to them, but I often wonder if their marriage could be saved? My man wants to tell them, and likely will in time, but who knows if their marriage is destroyed beyond repair.

 

Temper Tantrum and Apologies

I have been horrible at keeping up with this blog. I must say that I am not the most computer saavy girl out there, actually I am fairly horrible with the rapidly growing internet world. I don’t have instagram (although all my friends rave about it) I just don’t understand pictures as part of a social network…but maybe that is just the introvert in me rebelling against the lack of privacy that is so obvious to me when it comes to social media. But that is my own opinion and I could go off on that tangent and bore you all with my opinions and obvious lack of social media skills.

I have been neglectful and I apologize. I could rationalize it, justifying my behavior with valid excuses, like how my computer crashed and I lost two finished books that I was about to publish and a handful of half finished stories, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have gone too long without an update.

The month of Febuary was very difficult for me, emotionally. My man was very patient with me and I thank him for that because he didn’t have to be. There is really no reason for my moodiness, at least none that I can pinpoint. Well as with most people in life, there is just only so much a person will take before they have had enough and my man’s fuse was very long before he just blew. I was thoroughly reprimanded, and rightfully. Looking back over the month I can see how inconsiderate, disprespectful, and completely childish I was behaving.

I lost all of my files on my computer and for a few days I wasn’t even quite sure if I would be able to continue using the computer. As a grad student, I live on a very tight budget and a new computer was not possible. So, as the stress compounded I literally sat on the floor and cried, and it wasn’t a cute sweet little show of emotion, it was a loud cry. My man, bless his heart, was so caring and actually paid to have my computer fixed. Although I now had my computer back and working, I still was upset that I lost everything on it. I pouted for weeks like a spoiled child, and although my man was understanding and comforting, I pushed it too far. So that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, or so they say.

I am officially back on track with school (I won’t even go into the dirty details of how horribly behind I got in just a few short weeks!) I am also back to writing. I must say that my man can be very motivating sometimes.